Introduction
Today’s offering is unique in that it is a copy of a chapter I wrote for the game and companion book, The Angels Talk (Penguin). It was published twenty-five years ago and is no longer in print.
Here’s how I ended up writing about my daughter, Kelly and The Angels Talk for you today.
What Happened?
Settling into blogging has gotten easier and I enjoy writing, however this week, after a few hours I realized it didn’t seem to be coalescing. I stopped at once rather than fret, and meditated.
Upon asking Love Consciousness in thought and heart what to write, the answer immediately popped in. “Republish the chapter you wrote for Kelly and The Angels Talk as this week’s blog!” I wondered if I could. It was so out of left field, but then I remembered if Kelly had remained here with us, she would turn 40 this Tuesday, August 10th.
August 10th
Kelly LOVED her birthdays, and some kind of way she is still with us. When we came to Ecuador, we looked at a number of places to live and finally fell in love with where we are now. The cross street to our street is Diez de Agosto, and in English, 10th of August! Ecuadorians give important dates street names here, but for us, it was Kelly continuing to bring attention to her birthday. So the notion of sharing the chapter about her isn’t really a stretch.
I’ve deleted my Near Death Experience at the beginning of the chapter and you can read about that here if you like. Note that today’s blog is a full book chapter, so grab a cup of whatever you love before you settle into it.
Kelly and the Angels Talk
Dreaming my Baby and What Was to Come
Two weeks before Kelly’s birth, I dreamed I went to a bright, clean, and animal shelter to pick up my baby. She appeared as a cute little baby lamb, with a satiny-pink bow around her neck. As I took her in my arms to cuddle her and whisper sweet nothings in her ear, the owner of the store, who happened to be a Being of Light, appeared and spoke:
“This baby is ill, and will require a lot of attention. Wouldn’t you like to choose a healthier one? You don’t have to choose the sick one.” “No.” I replied, “This is the one for me.” In the dream, my heart was already with her, and I knew I could give her the unconditional love she needed to help her through whatever she might face. I felt at peace with my decision.
Whoever had spoken indicated again that I had a choice, but wished me well either way. I awakened, somewhat alarmed and wondering if my baby would be healthy. At the time, the remaining denial of my intuitive gifts kept me from taking the dream too seriously, but even then, I sensed that the Being in the dream might be an Angel. The Angels were already on the scene, helping us both with what was to come.
The Dream Manifests
After an unusually short labor followed by a simple birth — as these things go — I was deeply relieved when Kelly received a perfect 10 on the Apgar, a test which measures the health of a newborn. Yet, a month later, I looked at her sweet little Dresden doll-like face in the sunlight and noticed her skin had a dull yellow hue, as did the whites of her eyes.
In that split second, I awakened to the fact that my dream was, indeed, true. I called Kelly’s pediatrician immediately. After many tests and days of waiting, the diagnosis was given. Kelly had a rare genetic disease called “alpha-1 anti-tripsin deficiency” — a protein deficiency that can cause progressive cirrhosis of the liver in children.
Eventually her liver would fail, I was told, and she would need a liver transplant, or she would die. She was given two years to reach this critical juncture. I felt my world rapidly coming apart. Mind-models and belief systems regarding how I thought life should be crashed down around me.
The significance of having a deathly ill child to care for, whom I loved more than my own life, ripped open my heart, and coupled with the pain and the utter inability to cope with all the rising fears, I began therapy with a therapist open to metaphysical understanding. I knew I needed help, for clearly, I lacked the skills for dealing with the deep level of pain I felt at the time.
Alternatives
While learning to deal with this crisis, like many parents of ill children, I dove into research, investigating and applying alternative healing methods to help heal my daughter. At the time, the doctors knew of no medical intervention that could help, save a transplant, so we were thankfully, free to look for alternatives.
While certain applications like nightly castor oil packs, chiropractic care, radionics and stellar nutrition seemed to help significantly, there were no guarantees. I also learned one of life’s greatest lessons, to “let go and let God,” for ultimately, I could not control whether she lived or died.
Finding purposeful meaning in the experience
It was during this time that I decided, no matter what the outcome, I would stay present and find purposeful meaning in the experience, and allow the experience to enrich our lives. Furthermore, the children’s hospital was full of mothers like me, who were struggling with their children’s serious challenges. I could share what helped us with those I met, and more and more, they shared what helped their families with me. I suppose this was our way of having a support group without calling it that.
This intention to take the high road, and to be of service to a higher purpose, helped me deal with my daughter’s needs and kept me from drowning in a sea of despair. I also took my cues from Kelly, who lived totally in the moment — without a care in the world.
After devastating news about her latest test, I walked outside where she giggled, chortled and laughed with glee as her Dad swung her on the little wooden box swing in the back yard. She was that way throughout her life, living every moment to the fullest, a true force of Nature the whole way through it. How many of us can say the same?
Divorce
Adding to the stress of the situation, Kelly’s father and I divorced, and it soon became a financial necessity for her to live with him – in Florida, where he moved for new work — six hundred miles away! Even though Kelly and I communicated daily by phone, and visited each other as often as possible, it was extremely difficult to accept the physical distance between us. I longed to be near her, but the circumstances seemed insurmountable.
Things weren’t’ looking good
By then, even though Kelly had survived ten years longer than predicted, by September of 1994, her health was noticeably deteriorating, and we knew time was running out. She had been on a liver transplant list for eight months, but there was no news of a donor. One night, while we were talking on the phone, she said, out of the blue,
“Mom. I can feel my energy getting weaker and don’t think I can live much longer.”
We talked about “20/20”, a show we both watched a couple of nights before. The news program produced a segment with a little girl, who was also very sick, who asked the Angels to help her get ready for her transition into the World of Spirit. Kelly and I discussed at length her own feelings and fears, along with the possibility of asking the Angels to assist with letting go of the fears.
I had some fears of my own. Even though I “knew” that our Spirit lives on, the mere thought of living without her in my Earthly life left my blood running cold. I did not want my child to die! It is heart-wrenching for any parent to entertain those kinds of thoughts.
The Angels Talk
That night, I reached out to Angels who might help Kelly, with an intensity and power I didn’t know I possessed. I fell asleep praying, somehow knowing that one way or another, our lives were about to change radically.
Early the next morning, I awakened with a vision. In my mind’s eye, I saw a message board people could use to communicate with Angels. A family was sitting around the board, laughing and playing and having fun. I “knew” immediately that this board was something I wanted to create for Kelly. I shared the scene with my husband, Larry, who immediately agreed to help me.
After the vision of the board, I naturally began thinking about Angels more often, recalling other encounters I’d had with the Angelic Kingdom. Although my experiences were noteworthy, I humbly realized I was entering into the creation of The Angels Talk with very little knowledge on the subject of Angels.
In fact, the only material I had ever read on the topic was our friends’ Thomas Keller and Deborah Taylor’s book, Angels: The Lifting of the Veil. The book opened my eyes to a new and refreshing approach to the Angelic Kingdom. Previously, I’d considered Angels to be light-hearted heavenly ethereal Beings who existed in another dimension; sometimes they touched our lives, but mostly not.
Despite my personal experiences, I never really considered that one could communicate with these Beings purposefully, until that very moment. Later in the morning of my vision, I was compelled to call Deborah and Thomas. Caught up in the excitement of doing something positive for Kelly, I blurted out an invitation to join us in creating the Angels message board. They agreed, and in September we met to lay out a plan.
The rubber meets the road.
One month into designing The Angels Talk, Kelly came to me with an innocent question which took the wind right out of my sails, “Mom, do you think this Angels’ board is really going to work?” My heart quickened,
“What do you mean?” She repeated her question.
“Do you really think the Angels are going to come through this board and talk with me, help me?”
In that moment, I realized that despite a lifetime focus on self-growth and spiritual studies, I still had doubts. There was no way the board was going to work without the Angels help. What if they didn’t want it to work? Or what if my vision was just a figment of an overactive imagination? What had I gotten us into?
I had no choice but to move forward, compelled to find the truth. More than anything, I wanted the Angels to talk with us, to teach us and open our hearts and minds, and help my daughter — no matter what her future.
And there was more . . .
To add further emotional pressure to our experience, in November, my mother, a great source of emotional support, underwent surgery to remove her gall bladder. During her recovery, she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. The doctors said she had a month to get her affairs in order.
On top of it all, my grandmother was getting ready to cross over, too. I remember sobbing at the news that the women in my family would all soon be gone, while Larry held me in his arms. I cried for my grandmother, my mother, my daughter, myself, and my entire family who had been through so much emotional upheaval.
Just a year and a half before, my beloved brother, Griff, and sister-in-law, Julie, lost their five-year old son in a tragic accident. In their deepest moment of grief, they offered Kelly their son’s liver, but for medical reasons, my nephew’s organ could not be used.
Although heartbreaking at the deepest of levels, Griff and Julie’s gift of love was extraordinary and the family was filled with unspeakable gratitude at their offer. As a result of the tragedy, my family had become closer and more unconditionally loving and supportive of one another. We were just beginning to peep over the edge of grief, when both Kelly and my mother began to decline rapidly.
Silver Linings
Still, there were three redeeming graces during those dark winter months. The first was my beloved husband, whose unwavering un-conditional love and support was truly a godsend. The second was my then 23-year old son, Rick, (whose story will come later) who came to live with us for four months, bringing laughter and joy into our home. Last, but not least, were the Angels.
We completed our prototype message board and it worked better than any expectations I held. As the Angels taught me to communicate with them in an intimate way, I became stronger and more self-confident in approaching the future with balance and grace. Not only did the board actually work, the Angels continually comforted and assisted me with signs and omens and miracles of love, light and joy throughout that heavy-hearted winter.
As for Kelly, the Angels spelled out that she would receive a new organ by April of the following year– and she would live! For Kelly, there was never any doubt. She had complete and total faith that the Angels spoke the truth. Honestly, I had some doubts because I knew we were deeply attached to the answer we wanted to hear, and was aware that emotional attachments can sometimes distort how we perceive the Angels’ subtle communications.
In February, Kelly took a turn for the worse, and was forced to remain on oxygen twenty-four hours a day. Thinking he might never see her again, Rick traveled to Florida to visit her one month later. One night while he was gone, and after we talked with the kids, Larry and I decided to spend a quiet night together and retire early. Around midnight, we were awakened by my brother pounding on our bedroom window, screaming for us to wake up. (We had not heard the phone three rooms away.) We ran to the front door.
The Liver Transplant
“The doctors have a liver for Kelly! She and her dad are on their way to the airport! She wants to talk with you before they board the plane.” Seconds later, I was on the phone talking with Kelly. She felt afraid, but excited. After listening and trying to assuage her fears, we called on the Angels to ease her path and promised that Larry and I would soon be with her. Her dad and step-mother, Renee, were flying with her on a private plane to Cincinnati, and we would meet them there.
During the fourteen-hour drive from Virginia Beach to Cincinnati Children’s Hospital Medical Center, I was in a state of shock. It was the longest fourteen hours of my life. I prayed constantly, remembering all the years of waiting for this very moment. At times, tears spontaneously rolled — sometimes poured — down my cheeks. As we arrived at the edge of the city, I saw a light out of the corner of my eye. I turned and saw a large orb of white light on the back seat of the car, behind the driver’s side! I was filled with hope and love.
When it faded, I turned my attention to the road ahead and noticed something else. At first, I thought it was a large silvery cloud, but when it suddenly moved rapidly in the direction of the hospital, I noticed it had “wings”. The Angels were showing us the exit to take to the hospital!
Kelly came through the surgery like a trooper, with great courage and spunk. At one point while talking with the hospital chaplain, another Angelic experience occurred. Larry and I were telling him how we’d thought she might not live long enough to receive her transplant. After all, she had been on the transplant list for fourteen months.
The chaplain spoke: “You just never know about these things. Perhaps this is a miracle.”
No sooner had he spoken than the water in the sink beside us gushed loudly out of the faucet, full force! The three of us stared, open-mouthed.
“See?” the minister said.
Another time, Larry and I were outside her hospital room. The entire length of the room was floor to ceiling glass panels, so we could see everything going on in the room. Kelly lay on the bed with seventeen tubes connected to her body. A dozen doctors surrounded her.
As we both watched the scene unfold in her room, we both became aware of Light Beings filling the room, standing behind and in-between the doctors around Kelly’s bed. We said at the same time,
“Is it my imagination, or is her room full of Angels?”
Touched with tears of gratitude, any doubts about her recovery vanished.
It was time to leave
We were not able to stay in Cincinnati for the full length of Kelly’s recovery. We had to return to work. However, her father was able to stay the entire seven-weeks as she recuperated, and we all felt blessed that at least one parent could be with her.
Just before she was to fly home, she called to tell me of another Angel encounter. When she was leaving the hospital, she and her dad looked up and saw three clouds in the distinct shape of giant Angels in the sky. She felt truly comforted by the experience. Kelly recovered well, and we went to Florida for a lengthy visit shortly to help with her recovery after she returned to Florida..
As for me, I had come full circle. I traveled a very difficult path during those first twelve years of Kelly’s life. True to the intention I set when Kelly first became ill, I found a deeper meaning, a gift in the experience — a renewed sense of connection with the Angels and the One-Who-Created-Us-All. I knew that the time had come to share this gift with others, but how? At once, it occurred to me: I was already doing it! I was co-creating The Angels Talk.
I began to notice specific shifts in my outlook on life; I felt happier and more at peace than ever before. Angelic encounters were taking place on a daily basis, and it had become impossible not to believe in the magical and sacred world of these incredible Light Beings. By spring, another miracle occurred. My mother was sent home from the nursing home to recuperate, told by her doctors that she could possibly live many more years after all. Our lives had become a constant flow of miracles. And the Angels were correct. Kelly did receive her transplant in April of 1994 when she was twelve.
The attribute of Truth
One day, the Angels gave the four of us specific attributes or qualities for each one of us to embrace and embody in order to complete the project, and, as we learned, to discover the nature of our True Selves, that we, too, are Divine. When I first saw them spell out “T-R-U-T-H” as my personal attribute, I felt a deep gratification because it had been my mission since early on to recapture the loving Truth I experienced in my childhood NDE.
I knew for sure there was a Realty of Truth beyond anything I’ve seen or heard since in this earthly life. Still, I was compelled to search for how to find it here, on Earth. Over the years, I read literally thousands of books, burning the midnight oil, pouring through the gamut of spiritual philosophy, cultures and religions, but each seemed to limit what I knew about God and the Nature of Reality.
The Angels promised to help us build a bridge between the two Worlds as we integrated our attributes, and this was heartening. Whenever the Angels would give us a progress report, and it would be my turn, they would repeat each time that “the most important Truth, the one that pervades all of life, is that we are all connected, we are all One” and to “Look to abide in this ideal Truth from which all else flows.” Still, in my mind, there were missing puzzle pieces. Fortunately, I did “get” from the Angels that this ultimate Truth and the Love was touching the place in my spiritual heart that I knew was in all of us and everywhere around us, too.
When The Angels Talk was finally published and our author’s tour was over, the burning desire to deepen my awareness of Truth continued. Somehow I knew that if humans are not able to recognize and realize the ultimate Truth that we are all One, we could perish. I felt about Truth as the Great Invocation said: “Let there be peace on Earth and let it begin with me.” I was compelled to align with Truth at a deeper level.
The years passed
Over the years, I began to notice subtle but powerful changes in my perspective. I was thinking clearly more often than not, and I was more balanced emotionally and deeply-rooted in gratitude. I began to take better care of my body. Spiritual and material abundance poured into our lives. Kelly came back to Virginia to live with us. My relationships with others seemed easier and more rewarding than ever before, and those that were unhealthy began to fall away.
It is life’s greatest revelation and grace to wake up to know and understand that in Truth, there is only One-Who-Creates-All-That-Is. I found it makes perfect sense that there can be nothing outside of All-That-Is, therefore we are ALL made out of what we call God, Source, Divinity, Silence, the Supreme Self, or the One-Who-Creates the World of Form. WE ARE ALL ONE. No belief is required.
The Truth as I see it is we are individual Spiritual Beings in the World of Form with gifts and talents we came here to share while waking up to the one essential Truth. Once we fully Realize this, we can walk in balance with all that is here on Earth. This simple beautiful truth was precisely what the Angels were pointing to the whole time.
Kelly’s transition
The continuing insights and realizations helped Larry and me immensely in assisting Kelly to cross the Great Divide when she was called Home, March 9, 2006. When I walked into the hospital where she lay dying twenty-three years after she was born and twelve years after The Angels Talk began, I felt a cold dread move through me. Later that same night –after hospital rules against spending the night in the Intensive Care Unit sent us to our hotel room — I turned to Larry, my body shaking, and said
“I just don’t know how I’m going to do this. It is so hard.“
He put his hands on my shoulders, looked me squarely in the eyes and said in a gentle tone,
“The way you are going to do it, honey, is to remember the Truth of who you Really are, and who she Really is. Kelly is a Divine Spiritual Being, and it is this to whom we will be in service. That dying body you see on that bed is not who our daughter really is. It is time to step up to the plate and live what we know.” His words helped me step into a higher intention where I could be of greater service to my precious daughter, a Divine Being, who came to Earth to love and be loved.
And with that, we helped our girl prepare in earnest for her transition. She rallied for days, and we talked about this life and the next. Larry and I worked our healing magic on her, supporting and comforting her in any way we could while her fiancé, Josh, lovingly brought her anything her heart desired to ease her condition. Together, we three loved her and eased her path Home – she said so. And, of course, the Angels were also helping at every turn – just as they had since well before her birth.
A few hours after Kelly transitioned, our phone rang. It was 3:33 AM. Thomas was calling, our friend and partner during the Angels Talk project. He said he had just been awakened by Kelly and she told him she’d crossed over. Was it true? He wanted to know. At this point, since she passed over a very few hours before, I had shared her death with only the closest of family members, so I knew her visit to him was real.
It was not surprising that Kelly would let Thomas know; she loved Thomas. He counseled her many times as a minister, and she had wanted to see him one more time, but she was in Florida and Thomas lived in Virginia Beach.
As I sat, pondering his message, in shock at the reality that she was no longer here — or so it seemed — I suddenly felt her presence as strong as ever, hugging me, her “spirit arms” going right through my body! I heard her tell me that she felt wonderful, that I was going to love it when it was my turn. I could also see that the dark room was lit up, and knew it was her soul’s Light. It was a beautiful, comforting and uplifting experience, and a confirmation that she hadn’t really gone anywhere at all. She had just left her body behind.
Chapter Ending
Not a day passes that I don’t wish Kelly was still here with us, and living full-out on Planet Earth as she did so completely. I am comforted by the fact that we’ve had many amazing visits with each other in dreams, and I know she stands with the rest of my ancestors as a guiding light in my life. More than once, she has spoken to me from the other side, and has proven her spiritual existence to me repeatedly, as our loved ones on the Other Side enjoy doing — if we ask.
Looking back, I can see that learning to communicate with Angels, and by following their guidance to integrate my attribute, the ability to consciously connect with the Truth of who I really am, and to live my life more authentically was birthed. Through this miraculous gift, I also realized success in accomplishing what I originally intended: to help my daughter. Not only did we both learn how to communicate with the Angels, I am personally convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that Angels played an integral part in giving my child many more years of life here on Earth!
Co-creating The Angels Talk opened another door for me to share my heart with you, to be in service to y/our Divine Self. My humble prayer is that in doing so, this message may resonate with your spiritual heart, and that you, too, will learn how to talk with Angels, receive your attribute and remember that who you are is a beautiful, Divine, Spiritual Being, who has come here to share your gifts and talents with all of us. We are One.
Conclusion
Happy 40th Birthday Kelly! I’m keeping your promise, girl, to remember why I’m here. Dear Readers, I hope you got something worthwhile out of Kelly and The Angels Talk. See you next week with a regular blog.
Thank you for your comments, and never any pressure.
There is no death. There is only Love Consciousness.
Love
Kaye
